One Room Challenge Fall 2020 Reveal: This is personal.

I almost pulled it off. It was down to the wire, but I really thought today we would finish installing the shower doors with plenty of time to take some pretty pictures. But, instead, we ran into some problems, the bathroom is currently a mess and, to top it off, I put some bonus holes in the wall in my living room. But that is all a story for another day. Today we reflect on the end of the Fall ORC.

I accomplished so much during this One Room Challenge: tiled and grouted the shower, including cutting my own niche out of marble, installed the shower fixtures, painted the walls, installed a new toilet, vanity and faucets, hung mirrors, and wired lights, and had a few meltdowns along the way.

I have been reflecting on why I am so emotionally invested in this renovation. Partially, I think I have redirected some of my pandemic related anxiety into working on it, but I think this bathroom renovation is connected to something else, as well.

In April 2019, we started demolition on this bathroom. April 2019 is the same month I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. My RA has taken a lot from me but, slowly and steadily, I have found myself again in this renovation. I have learned new skills and seen evidence of how capable I can still be.

We’ve been through some things, this renovation and I. We’ve had moments where we weren’t sure that anything was ever going to get better. She has waited patiently for me through days and weeks where I couldn’t hold my coffee cup, let alone a drill.

If you are familiar with spoon theory, I have given this renovation many spoons over the last 18 months – and I can’t get those back. Those were spoons I could have used for other things like cleaning my house or spending time with my family. As we near the finish line, my fear of having this room not turn out as I had envisioned, or worse – not finishing at all – can be all consuming. Because, maybe that means that I can’t still do anything I want, that I am not still capable and, that not only have I failed myself, but I’ve failed my family.

In my head I know this is not true.

But these are the fears that I have. And sometimes I can’t keep them at bay with logic.

Ultimately, I know that with a little bit more time, I will persevere. I will finish. I will be very proud of what I have done. I will prove to myself that I can still do things with my own two hands, that this illness hasn’t gotten the best of me.

And then we will rest. Just enough to gather the strength to start the next room.

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I am planning to share the saga of installing the shower doors, the journey I went on making my own baseboards and window trim, and all the pretty pictures of the eventually completed room – so – even though the One Room Challenge is over, this story continues on.

After you have checked out all of the beautiful and impressive reveals at the One Room Challenge Blog, come back here to see how this story ends. Or follow on Instagram where the real-time emotional meltdowns (and also victories!) take place.

I’m sure I’ll see you in the spring with another project with an unrealistic timeline. Until next time, ORC.